So here we continue down the lazy river free write of April 14.

Anyway, the reason I mentioned Star Trek at all was because Tina and I (back in the present now) got to talking about the different Star Trek series', the new movie coming out, and how we always kind of enjoyed the shows. So now we've come up with a pet project: It is our goal to watch every episode of Star Trek ever, including all five series. No deadline, not "before that movie" or anything, just...as we get the chance. We just haven't decided whether to watch in order that they were released, or to watch them in chronological order according to the mythos of the show itself. Thoughts there?

So now it's much later in my night and I've sort of lost my train of thought.

I have no idea whether we'll actually make it, but I like having random goals for no reason, and we'll give it a shot. Maybe.

Also, where did the nasty stigma attached to this show come from? Someone tell me that. Ok, so the acting makes Sean William Scott look like George Clooney, and the Sci-Fi context means you'd better invest in a fleshlight, but dammit it's entertaining. I also hope that someday my gf lets me touch her again after this post.

...if not I'll just fantastize about 7 of 9. Win-win, I think.

Train of thought leaving station again.

There's a lot to look forward to these days. For me, but also for many others. But also for me. I'm feeling good.

Be back with more thoughts when I'm not distracted by the Daily Show and Colbert Report.

Really I just felt like a free write. I have countless thoughts during the day that never get expressed because I'm busy with work, or distracted by another conversation. I can't really tell why the people around me don't seem to have this problem. I can't tell whether I'm working too hard to express myself precisely, thus retarding my ability to address every thought, or whether the rest of the people around me just don't pursue as many thoughts during a standard day. Who knows. All I know is that every once in a while I have to do a free write like this so I can clear things out and get them written down somewhere, no matter how insignificant they may be once they're actually outside my head. It's kind of like a colonoscopy for my brain. I saw one of those performed on "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" the other day (gf's family seems to be addicted to junky reality programming), and let me tell you: not pretty.

Anyway, this is a free write, so I don't apologize for any non-sequitors or ramblings.

This could be long. I may break it up and post multiple entries by topic as I go.

Last night I went out for a run, and when I came back Tina was channel-surfing and came upon Star Trek TNG reruns. My dad used to watch that show all the time. The theme song evoked a REALLY strong recall of nights in Gaithersburg, when I was somewhere between the ages of 10 and 12.

Dinner was over. We all left the table and everyone scurried off through the dark house. The only lights were in the kitchen, where mama was quietly doing dishes. I lingered behind, I was always tense. The hollow clank of each plate being placed in the drying rack pierced my ear drums, and my hair stood on end. The air in the house felt heavy on my shoulders, but I stepped gingerly through the house. My back ached from the weight. I was an angel, or more accurately a ghost. Watching carefully, but not participating, I was only there to make sure that people survived the night without incident. No fights, no disappearances without explanation, no one abandoned to dwell in solitude in the corner of their room. The soft glow of the TV, the Star Trek theme in the dark living room...daddy was settled in and calm. He wouldn't be going out tonight. Walking into one of the now-lit bedrooms felt human and warm. Phew, I was still real. I could breathe in these rooms, and I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. The rest of the house always had a suffocating dark blue glow over it when the lights were out. Here was the tavern, where my raucous siblings laughed and sang and built forts out of blankets and pillows. My heart melted every time. I hoped they didn't know any better, and I settled in to play too, glad for the distraction, glad for the company. Bed time soon, but until then Tina and I would defend our fort from the invading forces.

...well that was an unexpected stream of thought. More to follow after a brief break.

I recently came across a song that made my chest flutter with excitement. I love songs like that. You know those songs? The ones that you hear and that somehow, in both sound and lyrics, evoke a part of you so perfectly? This song is dark, sensual and has just the right sense of passionate desolation. I needed this song, and right now it's perfect. Just go download it and listen. Tell me what you think.

Kings of Leon - "Closer"

stranded in the spooky town
stop lights are swaying and the phone lines are down
the floor is crackling cold
she took my heart, i think she took my soul
with the moon i run, far from the carnage of the fiery sun

driven by the strangle of veins
showing me no mercy, i'd do it again
open up your eyes, you keep on crying baby i'll bleed you dry
the skies they blink at me, i see a storm bubbling up from the sea
and it's coming closer
and it's coming closer

your shimmy shook my bones,
leaving me stranded all in love on my own
do you think of me?
where am i now baby, where do i sleep?
it feels so good but i am old
2000 years of chasing taking its toll
and it's coming closer
and it's coming closer
and it's coming closer
and it's coming closer

...which sounds like a really depressing title, but oddly enough it's a pretty bright, optimistic song off of John Legend's 2008 album "Evolver." Good album, I enjoyed it all the way through. Though it's perhaps a tad sappy, what with the sunshine, gumdrops and rainbows that came flying out of my speakers while it was playing.


Anyway, last night I was chatting with the live-in sis about general relationshipy topics (shut up Firefox, I know relationshipy isn't a word...), and as I was imparting some sage older brother advice, I came to an interesting, and yet obvious, realization about the difference between some relationships and others. I always wondered what the secret ingredient was that enabled some relationships to endure beyond obstacles that usually end others. Well it's simple, and I'm pretty sure I knew this already, and I may have even said this before, but it felt like one of those dawning moments of comprehension last night, so I'll share:

It's simply a matter of both parties' will to make it work. Simply put: if you BOTH KNOW that you want to continue to be with each other in the long term, then when problems come up (and they do come up), you just agree to figure it out. Often easier said than done, but you do it. If the relationship isn't really worth the trouble? Well, then the obstacles are meant to weed those 'ships out. It's a conscious, two-party decision.

Having typed that out it sounds trite to me, but I'm pretty sure that's the difference between a high school/early college relationship that is 'just for fun,' and a serious, mature, committed relationship. Some will probably ask: "how do I know if I should work through the problems?" simple: if you want to, and he/she wants to - then go for it.


Anyway, in other news: I really can't stand it when my computer at work starts telling me that my password is going to expire in 15, 14, 13, or any other number of days, and then asks me whether I'd like to change it now. No, of course I don't want to change it now you inconsiderate beast! What kind of idiot would program these things to assume that I would want to reduce the length of time that I get to keep my current password, wasting my memory on having to come up with and remember some new password earlier than I absolutely have to?!

I always wait until the final expiration date, nay the final minute to change it. Basically when my computer finally tells me "you can't do your job anymore and will end up destitute unless you change your password," then I change it. Why even ask me earlier than that?

Idiots.

I love you all...except for that guy.

Have you ever had one of those days, or hours, or moments where your state of mind is so aligned with who you really are that you feel completely at peace, comforted that your thoughts and actions are honest, and come purely from yourself, and not an attempt to be someone else? One of those times when the stressful, heavy armor of false self-representation that we each wear on a regular basis just seems to fall away, revealing the soft, comfortable robes that are our genuine vulnerable clothing?

I'm not talking about the moments where you're on a comedic roll with your friends, riding the high of sustained wit, or when you're feeling melancholy and are sitting cozily hidden from the world in your blankets. What I am talking about are the moments when you are calm, relaxed, focused, and when your thoughts come out well-expressed, and genuine. You are able to find the words to express exactly what you feel or think, and when a question or obstacle is presented, the solution flows from you, and you simply take care of it without a second thought. Instead of spouting loud gibberish from the back of your dry throat, you are speaking smoothly, expressing ideas that feel as though they are coming in rhythm from somewhere in your warm chest.

Tonight is one of those nights for me.

Most of the time there is a significant amount of background noise in my brain. For the most part it is entirely unintelligible, and exists as nothing more than white noise that distracts me from what I should be focusing on, occasionally becoming just coherent enough to generate a creative thought. Moments of clarity are unfortunately more the exception than the norm for me, and the inability to focus my mental energy at will has been the single most frustrating part of my life since I was a teenager. This problem leads to problems in almost every aspect of my life as it prevents me from meeting my own expectations, which in turn breeds frustration, which further prevents me from focusing.

One such example would be in my academic or professional life, where I may be perfectly capable of completing a project, and may in fact hold the answers in my head, but can not get them to paper efficiently or effectively because of my inability to focus my energy. Another would be in my personal life, where I often frustrate myself through my inability to process something that someone has said to me and relate to the statement properly, which would otherwise generate a natural response in me. Instead, I often hear their statement and, feeling no emotional or intellectual response (thanks to my lack of focus), have to cognitively 'fake' an appropriate response. These fakes are never true to myself, and I become frustrated at having falsely represented myself.

In either case, my frustration often leads me to doubt my choice of job or my friendships out of a false sense of ineptitude. This kind of discontent leads to a more general sense of discontent that bleeds into every part of my life. I start to wonder if I'm on the right path or wasting my time.

But tonight I don't feel that way. Tonight I worked very late at the office. I was there until about 10:30 pm, completely alone save for the occasional cleaning crew member. I felt focused, and I was able to accomplish significant amounts of work without being saddened by the fact that I was spending my night in an office. In addition, I felt confident and recognized that all the pieces of my life are where they need to be right now. I felt content and at peace. I got in the car, drove home, and I still feel content. Somehow, at least for right now, the incessant voice in my head crying out against settling down, against letting my guard down and becoming too comfortable has shut up. For tonight I don't feel like I'm living life at arms length, but that I'm actually immersed in the hot tub of the positives in my life, such as my excellent job that I was able to achieve through my natural talents, or such as my wonderful girlfriend who I am looking forward to spending a looong time with. Tonight what I have is just what I want, and I am just happy to be.

I think that all of that makes sense. I hope it wasn't too boring, but I felt compelled to record these feelings as best I could. I don't know why I struggle to feel like this more frequently, because I'd probably have the whole world well in hand, but maybe if I take the time to recognize and embrace the sensation, I can recreate it more easily. Sometimes I wonder if I really do have ADD, and what I feel now is the same thing that an ADD victim feels while on Ritalin or Speed. Does anyone have experience with that who can offer some insight?


Anyway, that said, I should drop a few less intense bits in here as well...but I'm tired now so I'm going to get some sleep. Pouring out one's soul like that is no easy feat!

- I'm getting an iPhone soon and I'm SO EXCITED!!! (ok, maybe not less intense, but definitely more upbeat)

- I am taking a full-time courseload this semester at UMUC, and I'm PUMPED to be in classes again. I was probably the worst student ever back in the day, but learning new stuff is one of my favorite sensations, and so far I have a 4.0 in College part 2.

- My gf works a LOT on very frustrating accounting work. I feel really bad for her frequently, but I also have tremendous admiration for her toughness. I don't give most people much credit for being tough through challenging times in their lives, but she's definitely got it. She'll still need a hug each weekend, though, and that's what I'm here for. That's what tiggers do best.

- I need to go snowboarding a couple more times, but I really can't wait for Spring and Summer.

- I've taken responsibility for helping Brendan with his homework...and it feels DAMN good to see him respond so well. If I can save him and Robyn from my own mistakes I will have lived a good life.

- I'm just happy right now.

"I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. And you're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do fuckin' anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin' guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in 20 years. Hangin' around here is a fuckin' waste of your time. "

This is one of my favorite moments in Good Will Hunting, when Will's best friend Chuckie says this to him.

My friend wrote that nobody writes about the good stuff.

Well, today, just 2 months into my employment at the whirlwind IT company where I work, I made runner up to employee of the month. I also spent the day completing a significant amount of my own work while simultaneously stepping in and taking care of my officemate's work as well.

Today I felt confident and strong. I feel ambitious and good about my life. Today I did not doubt my own ability to contribute significantly in my employment position.

I do not like yielding to others. I feel better when you just hand me the work and let me do it, because then I can show you how I can do it better than you.

And I can do it better than you.

There is a slightly bitter tone despite my great day. A lot went well today, but then I came home. My house, where I have resided for the past year, has become my bane. For the first time in a while, I'm surrounded by people who do not like me much. It makes me angry, it infuriates me to think that these people would doubt my sincerity and my concern for others.

I won't bother ranting about it. Instead, I am moving out. That process begins this week. I will succeed and develop into a driving force for good and tolerance. They can sit in angry ignorance.

They are my friends, and things will mend. Right now I am angry.

But I'm also doing very very well. Hooray!!

When we are youngest, we depend on our parents, and as a result we are inexorably tied to them. When you live in such a close relationship with someone, it is impossible to maintain a smile at all times. Your parents, as a result, have seen the best of you and the worst of you, but they are still there, and they still love you.

Siblings are similar. You may get in many fights with siblings, but they’re a part of your life. They make you mad, you make them mad, you step on each other’s toes all the time, but when you need someone, they are there.

Then you reach college age, and you go out on your own. You encounter many people with whom you don’t share that same degree of closeness, and it becomes much easier to put on a happy face and keep people at some distance. You develop a different type of relationship with these friends, and with the exception of the rare closest of friends, you never reveal enough of yourself to truly fight or whine to them and still trust that they’re not going anywhere.

When you end up in a meaningful relationship, you can tell how close you are based on the degree to which you’re willing to be weak, angry, or fight with this person and still not worry about any enduring consequences for the relationship. They become the equivalent of family, a parent or a sibling, with whom you can fight at will, but also come back to later that day and invite them out for ice cream to smile together again.

I like the cycle here. You venture out to find your own additions to your family, and once you find them, you have a new complete family that includes the family you grew up with, and your new relationships and friendships. These are the people you keep in your life.


- This was inspired by a conversation overhead outside my office. An executive was on the phone with his wife, clearly frustrated with her, and issuing an ultimatum about lunch together. “Look, if you can’t make it, then fine, I’ll just eat here, sigh.” They have three kids, and tonight when he gets home it won’t matter. She’ll still be there, possibly making dinner, or he’ll make dinner when he gets there. I totally love family and family-like interpersonal relationships.

...in a gushing stream of...what? Longing? Admiration? Overwhelming emotions. Yes, that's closer...

Today I overused the phrase "I love you." It was true every single time, but I often find that the intensity of my emotions is not adequately expressed in language. You might compare me to a large dam that you can't see over the top of. A small bit of water trickles through the holes of my mouth, my eyes. You can tell from the scale of my great barrier that there is a deep universe of water within, enough to destroy a city...or nourish it. But you can not see for sure what is behind the wall. The wall holds the water at bay, contained, trapped within, constantly pressing through the holes...but it is for the best of everyone that the water stay there.

Moments like this feel like the water has been pressurized by the beating of my heart and threatens to explode through the stone, spilling my guts and laying bare all that I am.

The truth is that not even I know what is contained within. Why does it well up periodically? Why can I not find peace and contentment? I don't know where the controls are to open the valves, so I am released in insufficient intervals, and occasionally the additional pressure cracks the wall, damaging my facade...or freeing some extra self? Both?

Perhaps the controls lie in music, or writing, or some other form of self expression. I run to relieve stress and live forever, but it doesn't assuage my feelings of emotional claustrophobia.

Perhaps I simply crave intensity. Could it be that my only peace can be found in constant change and new experience? Is this why I've never felt so alarmingly comfortable as when I was in Israel, or California a couple of months ago? Is this why the annual RenFest thrills me to death, because there people live a little bit differently? Maybe this is why I talk to everyone that I can, including the bum on the street who asks me for change, and in exchange I give him 5 dollars and 45 minutes of my time?

I love that guy, and I hope he gets a job as an auto mechanic, he certainly deserves it.

Christine comes to mind as I think about emotional concerns. She has met me at every point of self-examination. She WANTS to be there with me, and most times she is there herself, independent of me...that's what makes it special. She's already there. I know she'll read this, but I'm going with stream of consciousness, so it's not meant to be biased in her favor. I look forward (and backward) and pray, really pray, that she shares this inner disturbance. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but I think she does have it, and that's what gives her life. I think she does a much better job of controlling herself than I do, but I think that she would move across the world with me just to see what it felt like to live in Switzerland for a while.

I need to make sure that I continue to try new things.
I need to go to concerts.
I need to play music, or sing, even if I'm not a virtuoso.
I need to travel, whether it's to the next city over, or to Jerusalem to stand at the Wailing Wall again.
I need to continue to engage random people in conversation on a whim.
I need to help others.

My original point was that I had overused the phrase "I love you" today. I think that the reason that I used it so much today was that I wanted to do something intense to ease my discontent. "I love you" is a great phrase to use WHILE ENGAGING IN SOMETHING INTENSE WITH ANOTHER. I say it to Christine when I see her for the first time in a week, because that first touch, the hug, the kiss, is always intense. I say it when she and I go out and do something together. I don't say it to siblings, but I think it when I see them. I should say it to my grandmother more. She may not be around much longer, and I feel she should know how I feel.

This weekend is going to be amazing. I am brought nearly to tears and a drugged grin at the very thought of spending the weekend running between states, road tripping with Christine, picking up Dave Mihaly at the airport, witnessing the reunion of Periphery, the after-party at Ellen's. I want to drink at the after-party, but I don't think Ellen allows whiskey at her house. I just feel like if my dad, Mike Elias, and Dave Mihaly are meditating through jams, then I would be doing the very spirit of the night a disservice by not engaging in some sort of substance abuse.

I work in the corporate world, but that's just my day job.

I am a lover.

Dude, I love you all, anyone who might read this.

Christine's always going to be around. That's a really cool thought.

I need to get back into my reading again.

I feel better.

I'm hungry, time to go eat. Pasta calls.

Can you do this out without lying?

Lying is for those who lack the strength to handle the consequences.


Are you involved with anyone?

I am involved with the lives of others in varying capacities, yes.


Would you take an ex back?

No, each relationship has ended for various reasons, and when one comes along that shouldn't end, I'll know.


What should you be doing right now?

What a list that would be, but I have chosen to do this, and who's to say that this is not the best thing that I could be doing right now?


Are you a bad influence?

No, I work to be a strong influence for positivity.


Night out or night in?

Start it out until the energy's gone, then end it in, satisfied that you've accomplished something meaningful.


Are you more of an individual or an outgoing person?

Psh, I'm an outgoing individual.


What items could you not go without during the day?

Mountain Dew and music.


Would you share a drink with a stranger?

Sure, who knows what you might find out!


Last hug?

My dad, today was father's day.


Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
what?

I don't think there is a right or wrong here. I also think that this question is absurd.


Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?

Alcohol.


Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?

Yeah, once, long ago.


What is one thing your parents don't know about you?

That I am constantly aware that most of who I am comes from them.


What does the seventh text message in your inbox say?

"Thanks!! You rule"


Say you were given a drug test right now, Would you pass?

Yes.


How do you feel about your life right now?

I feel that my life is stable right now, and that there is a lot of excitement brewing.


Explain why you last threw up?

I really don't remember the last time. I would guess food poisoning.


How many times have you been pulled over by the police?

10 or more, easily.


Do you like anyone right now?

Nope, I hate everyone. I like no one...and I'm lying.


Do you talk dirty to people?

Weird question, and usually not, but sometimes.


If we were to look in your phone inbox, what would we find?

Social plans being made, requests to use my stuff, and the occasional pictures of my friends.


Anyone upset you lately?

No so much upset as annoy. I cannot stand overly sensitive people.


Who made you cry last?

Peter Jackson.



Last person you talked to on the phone?

Miles.


Can you easily tell if someone is fake?

Most times.

No particular reason for this update, but I'm wide awake at 1:00 am.

I'm currently on a great workout schedule, and that makes me feel great. I forgot to do it today, though, so I'm going against my better judgment and working out at midnight in order to not miss a day (plus as previously mentioned I'm wide awake). I'm sure it won't really matter, and I'll be glad tomorrow for having not missed today's scheduled workout, so this is good.

Long and completely irrelevant story, but I no longer work at my previous position at Aerotek, and I'll be starting a new job as a marketing coordinator with a new company on July 9th. I'm completely psyched for two primary reasons: I'll be making more money (woohoo), and I'll be at the top of my particular foodchain within this tiny company. As this company grows, I expect to grow along with it and eventually end up as the head of their marketing department with employees working under me. That's a little ways away, but it seems the only logical progression from the job I've taken.

I really want to become racecar certified. Driving fast is one of the greatest joys in my life, and to do so competitively would be incredible. Does anyone out there have any inside tips/connections/advice for a speedster who needs to makes his daily adrenaline fixes a bit more legal? I really do think I have great control at high speeds, and I think that that is an under-appreciated talent that I want to develop. Really, I'm itching and ready to get moving. I'll start with the SCCA.

Back to my final set of reps before bed. Goodnight all.

Dinner with a buddy in a few, so here's to killing time:

1. Where is your cell phone?
In my pocket.

2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover?
Non-existent?

3. Your hair?
Brown, straight.

4. Your mother?
Loves me, also not around anymore.

5. Your father?
Coolest daddio on the planet.

6. Your favorite item?
Um...that's tough, they each have their purpose. I guess my computer or my new TV.

7. Your dream last night?
Last night was dreamless.

8. Your favorite drink?
Whiskey and Coke.

9. Your dream car?
Aston Martin v12 Vanquish.

10. The room you are in?
Bedroom.

11. Your ex?
Beautiful, charming, and sexy, but clawed.

12. Your fear?
Spiders.

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Free and happy.

14. Who did you hang out with last night?
My roommate and good friend.

15. What you're not?
At ease.

19. The last thing you did?
Drove home from work while rocking out.

20. What are you wearing?
Work clothes (button down and khakis).

21. Your favorite book?
Once a Runner.

22. The last thing you ate?
Chipotle burrito.

23. Your life?
Mine to do with as I please.

24. Your mood?
Restless.

25. Your friends?
Good souls.

26. What are you thinking about right now?
What my next major life change will be.

27. Your car?
Acura Integra.

28. What are you doing at the moment?
Killing time before dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.

29. Your summer?
Needs a vacation in it, I'll figure that out soon.

30. Your relationship status?
Single.

31. What is on your tv?
Nothing at the moment.

32. When is the last time you laughed?
About an hour ago.

33. Last time you cried?
I don't remember.

34. School?
Going back in the Fall...and I hope it's the right move.

I sometimes forget that the rest of my family is just like me. Living separately from my sibs, it's easy to figure that they're chugging on all cylinders and I'm the one who's trying to find my place.

Whenever I'm reminded that we're all way off the beaten path, it makes me smile and remember what family means. Huzzah ^_^

Whew, so let's take a gander at what a single week can bring.

1. Last weekend: I went to Bucks County, PA. Why? Within a certian group of friends of mine, there is one who is married with a house, and he happens to live up there. 8 of us went up for a weekend of utter tom-foolery, and fool tom we did! Friday night we played a poker tourney (I came in second). We drank, but not heavily, and we hung out.

Saturday we watched the divisional playoff games. Go Colts!! We ate around a table that was both square and round at the same time. We played video games. And then during the late game it became Saturday night.

Saturday night was insane.

Saturday night brought a LOT of alcohol of every sort. Mixed drinks, beers, and shots in innumerable quantities (really, I have no idea how much I had, but it was plenty), drunken video games, meeting the wife (Shannon, who is way cool and drinks with the best of them) and sister-in-law (Caitlin, a bit more low-key than her sister, but astoundingly cute and adorably friendly) of our friend who lives up there.

We played DDR, we headbanged to Guns n Roses, Metallica, and Iron Maiden, and then we drank some more. Towards the end Caitlin and I took a lengthy walk in the cold, which was very pleasant. The lot of us then fought for bedspace, floorspace, air mattresses, whatever we could get.

The next day we watched most of the Bears game and went to TGI Friday's. I felt like I hadn't slept in a week, but I had an enormous smile on my face. What a great weekend.


2. Work: Work has been rough this week. It's not that things are going poorly, I'm actually doing very very well and gaining praise from various people in the company, but I am SWAMPED. I won't bore anyone (including myself) with the details, but there is a shit-ton (roughly 3.5 metric tons) of stuff to work on, and it's all due right now. The good news is that since I'm on it, it'll get done, and I'll come out smelling like a rose. A very stressed, exhausted rose. But hey, for the first time in m life, I haven't said "fuck this, I hate work."

No, instead I say "I can do this, but MAN it is hard!" I can now say that the company environment has truly been the single most significant factor in my professional success at Aerotek. I actually like being there, and I like the people that I'm working with. Amazing. Of course it's still not a long-term career position, but man it's nice to finally be enjoying the ride.


3. Running: I once read a book called "Once a Runner." It was the story of a track star who was literally pushed to the absolute limits of his own physical capacities (he pissed blood after one session) in order to become a better runner. I will never forget how inspired I felt after reading that book. So on Monday I went running. I felt like utter crap from a sleepless weekend drowned in alcohol, but I ran. I plotted a 2-mile course near my apartment and ran.

Well, I sort of ran. Seems that after 5-6 years you don't retain all the endurance that you once had. I really couldn't even make the two miles, but damn did it feel good to actually try.

And then I ran on Tuesday, too. This time I ran. I found my comfortable pace and ran 85% of the two miles.

I took Wednesday off to rest my aching calves.

I ran again tonight. It's 32 degrees outside. I fucking ran, and I ran well. I can't say that I tore down the sidewalk at breakneck pace, but I found the pace that worked, and I did it, I ran two miles.

I'll do it tomorrow, too.

Once a runner, always a runner. My body remembers how to do it.


4. Girl? Did I mention that Caitlin and I took a nice long walk? Yeah, well we also have nice long conversations over the phone. We don't necessarily say much, but it's fun, and she's genuinely sweet. I find it refreshing.


5. Other stuff: I've been watching entourage with the roomie this week. She picked up seasons 1 and 2 for a great price, so I'm getting into it. We finished season 1 tonight, and I'm basically a fan of the show now. It's not deep, there's not much character development, but there is relationship development, and there is some very tight and entertaining dialogue. And hell, it's just fun to watch four dudes who could be friends of mine tear it up with the stars in Hollywood.


This has been a fun week, full of life in many different capacities. Feels good. Feels great!

Ok, ok, so I got lazy about my LJ for a bit...again...but that's fine. I'm still here, I'm still rockin the positive notes, and I'm still having a great time.

Let me jus say that my new apartment is fantastic. I love the layout, the size, the location and the fact that I'm within 30 minutes of everywhere important to me in the State of Maryland. Things are more peaceful in Columbia than they ever were in Towson, there's lots of green and wide-open fields, and my commute has dropped from 1 hour and 15 minutes to 20 minutes. As a result of all these factors, my stress levels have been dramatically reduced and I find myself often just stopping for a moment to really enjoy where I am in life of late. Things aren't spectacular or deeply meaningful, but they're peaceful, pleasant and stable.

I'm making enormous amounts of progress towards ridding myself of school debt, and I may even be able to return to school as early as Fall of 07. That, my friends, is incredible.

2007 should be an interesting year for me, I'll have the resources to step beyond the "survival and bills" mentality and to get back on track towards taking my life wherever I'd like it to go...and one day I'll figure out what that is.

Happy Birthday to my sister, Tina, by the way! Her birthday is January 2nd and she'll be 20...incredible. Happy birthday sis, I hope everything happens for the best this year!

Also: Guitar Hero?? Awesome game!!!! I'm going to have to buy it.

Time for a quick survey before ending this post. Here are my firsts of 2007:

first drink: Grandma Slut shot...not bad. Chased by a Leaf special: whiskey with a splash of unsweetened lime juice.

first food: I guess that would be this morning's breakfast...eggs, sausage, and honey wheat bread.

first person i hugged: Probably Michelle, my friend's Fiance, as she was leaving for NY this morning.

first person i kissed: No one yet. (God, how unfortunate is that?)

first person that said "i love you" to me: No one, yet.

first thing i said: "Happy New Year, my friends."

first person that i made mad: Hm...probably JennieRose, my roommate. She can be sensitive.

first person that made me mad: I don't think anyone's really made me mad yet.

first person i said "i love you" to: Christine's voicemail (Hey, just being honest!)

first thing i did when the clock said 12:00am: Wished my friends the best and took a shot.

first person i texted: Deana (my co-worker, in response to her txt)

first person that called me: My excellent friends from Rhode Island!!! Thanks guys :)

first person i called: Candice, had to wish her a happy birthday AND a happy new year!

first person i said Happy New Year to: My group of five friends: Lindsey, Jay, Michelle, J.Ro, and Joe

first person to IM me: Don't know for sure...either Candice, Tzivie, or Mark

Oh btw...

I was in Philly this past weekend for the Bat Mitzvah of a family friend. Also smashed into the weekend was a cake for both my grandfather's 80th birthday and my little cousin's 16th.

It's rare that all six Pell sibs get to be together and hang out, but this weekend was one of them and we had a GREAT time. Saturday afternoon was spent throwing frisbees, tennis balls, and footballs across the yard, throwing each other to the ground, and fighting for the chance to make the catch. That was awesome.

Saturday night was spent at the Bat Mitzvah party where we danced our pants off. It was one of those parties where the entire room got out on the dance floor as much as possible. We took breaks to eat of course, but otherwise were were shakin it like there was no tomorrow. A blast, to be sure.

Alright, just had to get that info out there for the record. I had an awesome weekend with my fams.

Yeah, so I'm looking to move to Columbia, and it's stressing me out after only two days. I really didn't think it would be a big deal, Columbia is the suburban capital of the world, how could there not be a myriad of complexes to choose from, each with their own benefits?

Wrong.

It seems that most of Columbia's apartments within my price range (2 br, 2 ba, under 1200/month) are either terribly maintained and poorly landscaped, or they're home to some relatively undesireable neighbors...be it people, bugs, or rats. Ugh.

So now I'm actually having to do some research and dedicate some time to this effort beyond a simple online directory followed by maybe two visits. I don't have time for much more than that this month. So now I'm thinking that perhaps it's a good idea to take the four vacation days that I have to take before the end of the year and use those days to deal with the apartment hunt and packing up my stuff. It would enable to me to relax a bit and calmly go about the process.

On the other hand I'd kinda like those days to take a ski trip or something.

Ah well, this is just a stream of consciousness post anyway.

On a more positive note, I did find a place today that was closed on Tuesday of all days, but looks very promising. It's right on a local golf course and seems to have plenty of amenities...including tennis, racquetball, and a basketball court! The apartments aren't the largest based on floor plan, but then again my current place is more than I need anyway and this is just a bit smaller. I'll check it out tomorrow and let you know what I think.

...and I'm suddenly inclined to create a consumer wish list for myself! This is just an off-the-cuff list of items I'm currently considering saving money towards:

Electronics

1. Nintendo Wii - games and a 2nd controller to go with it
2. New digital audio player - at LEAST 60 gigs
3. PDA of some sort - I need a nice electronic calendar so I can keep track of things
4. Computer upgrades - want a 64 bit dual core set up, a new video card, and more HD space
5. 2nd LCD monitor - to go with the new computer


Other

1. My new bedroom concept is starting to take shape in my head. I plan to explode my fantasies onto the walls. Thus, I will need photos of concerts and music videos, some personal heroes (mostly fictional), and interesting artwork. Frames for all.


...and that's all for now. Thoughts and responses?

Ohh man do I hurt today!

I went out to Fells Point last night with most of the superior Towsonites in honor of the Eve of All Hallows. It was a great time with much drinking, fun costumes and plenty of scantily clad women wandering to and fro. Why is it that on Halloween women are suddenly endowed with the confidence to walk around in 1-inch skirts, invisible shirts and the like? Not that I mind, it's a cool spectacle, but at the same time I found myself just getting fed up with most of them by the end of the night. It's not so much that I was frustrated sexually, but rather I was frustrated at the lack of creativity in most of the costumes. How hard is it to go to the costume store and buy a "naughty nurse" or "Lieutenant Slut" outfit? I want to see more girls like the ninja-assassin complete with leg daggers and a skin-tight leather and spandex outfit. It was obviously unique and had clearly taken some work to put together, plus she had the body for it. Oh and please, if you don't have the body to wear revealing clothing on the other 364 days of the year, you can't do it on Halloween

Anyway, my costume worked out nicely, and I was accompanied by a musketeer (complete with real sword), the evil queen from Snow White (played by Jay), Lindsey as the great Ralph Machio, Indiana Jones, and an assortment of others.

So we ran around the area all night, stopping into various bars to check on the alcohol stock, and meeting and greeting with the various freaks and fools that filled the square. We finally left at around 2 or 3, and after an uneventful drive back up the expressway I was in bed sometime around 4.

Keep in mind, I was drunk when I went to bed and I get up for work around 6:30. So I woke up late because I'd accidentally turned down the volume of my alarm when I set it last night. I was still feeling the waning effects of the Dewars whiskey as I stumbled around the apartment trying to make up for lost time as I fed the cat, had a shower, washed the white paint out of my hair, and threw on some clothes.

Luckily the weather has been beautiful today, and the ride in to work was very pleasant. My head was pretty uneasy, so I threw on the latest Thievery Corporation CD and decided to forget about what time it was and just enjoy the ride. I was 20 minutes late, but I wasn't feeling up to caring.

Then I got to work, and it was basically downhill from there.

I'm not gonna whine about details, but suffice it to say that sitting in an office half-awake with a headache is really not a fun way to spend the day. I took my lunch break to go sleep in my car, and I actually felt a little bit better afterwards. At least the headache disappeared. I've been spending the afternoon finishing up my latest proposal at a pretty leisurely pace and chatting with people online.

Anyway, that's really it. I had a good time, but I think tonight's going to be a "order in and put on a movie" kind of night. I love those, though, so I'm actually pretty excited. Now the big question: What should I watch?

Hm...something light and easy. Anchorman, High Fidelity, Ocean's 11, Armageddon...something like that. Any ideas? I can go rent or buy if I don't already have it.